Commitment Phobia

What is commitment phobia?

Commitment phobia is generally referred to as a deep fear of commitment, closeness, intimacy and self-commitment in a relationship. The term describes the behavior of people who either do not enter into romantic relationships or keep their relationship with their sexual partners in limbo and do not commit themselves to the relationship as unreservedly as the partner would like. Many people who are struggling to form a fulfilling romantic relationship either think of themselves as being commitment phobic or that their partner is afraid of commitment and assume that this is the cause of their problems. Although the term commitment phobia is very common, it is actually imprecise because it describes attachment-avoiding behavior in general and without differentiation. However, the reason for avoiding a relationship is not always fear. And of course fears and concerns about relationships can also be justified. However, some people find it difficult to distinguish whether they are "just scared" and should take the plunge, or whether it really isn't right. In this case it is worthwhile to take a closer look at your fears and ideas.

What causes commitment phobia?

Behind commitment phobia there is often the fear of the risks that can be associated with attachment: for example, the fear of being abandoned, of arguments, conflicts, of being absorbed by the partner, of being overwhelmed by responsibility, of losing personal freedom, of the pain of separation, of divorce costs, of maintenance payments, or of disappointment.

How do I know if I'm commitment phobic?

You recognize commitment phobia by being honest with yourself and comparing your ideal image of a relationship with your real willingness and assertiveness to make it happen. Do you have a different ideal picture in front of your inner eye than what you are willing to allow in reality? Do you dream of falling in love intensely, but in a real encounter your feelings fade away after a while and you feel little or nothing for your new partner?

What can I do to overcome commitment phobia?

The good news is: Commitment phobia can be overcome. First of all, it is helpful to be aware of what is it exactly that you are afraid of in a relationship or, what did you want to avoid in relationships so far. In coaching you take a constructive view of yourself in relationships, uncover your negative beliefs or rules of life, and develop your own idea of what a fulfilling relationship means for you. By naming your fears, desires and ideas, the fear of commitment becomes less diffuse. You can learn a lot about your personal values and needs by it and you will notice whether you really want to establish a deeper bond with your current partner or not, or whether you would like to be in a relationship or not.